Since I entered National Heart Institute (IJN) around 10 months ago, I heard a lot of sayings like “It’s been a while since we get young doctors on board”, or “This is our first experience getting young MOs around”. Comparing to the gigantic experience our seniors and bosses had, we are indeed young. We did not even have one fourth of their experience in Cardiac expertise. In these 10 months, I had come to appreciate how these varieties of consultants and skills had improved me in my work. And I have to say that I had never regretted my fate of being sent here in Cardiac Anesthesia training.
However, even if we are young, we are also in the team.
This is the fact that I have come to accept that even if we are young, our presence matters. But it is exactly because we are young, that we needed extra support and positivity. Most adults or elder people tend to tell stories of their times. I enjoyed listening to it. Because, for the lack of our experiences, we learn from the experience of others. I also learnt that, it is possible to make no mistake, and still failing. That is not weakness. That is life.
I just realized I haven’t posted anything for February. Shame on me. >.<
But in all honesty, things had been pretty hectic during that month. I finally completed 3 years of service in Hospital Serdang and am now working at Kelantan. I transferred to Kelantan around early February and reported duty right then. Experience? It was nice. I’m not sure whether I like it because the working environment was good, or maybe just because I came back to my own village. Either way, it was really nice.
My new office
The first day I reported to duty, I was sorted out and was placed at the Mother and Child Health in Klinik Kesihatan, solely in charge of the Obstetric patients. Meaning, I am in charge to see all pregnant ladies, including women 6 weeks after delivery. I would have to admit, I felt burdened by the task. I was never interested in Obstetric and Gynaecology. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the O&G training in Serdang. It was the best housemanship training of all departments I’ve been through. The head of department was the best among all, and the training was very productive. But still, I was never interested at the knowledge itself.
Approximately one year ago, on the 4th January 2013, an incident had marked a history in my life. Followed by another incident on the 8th January 2013. Two consecutive news came one after another, making me almost wail in misery for almost a year.
Yes, a year. There were times when I hop into my Facebook and accidentally saw her post on my page, and then I skimmed through her Facebook page and then I cried—openly. Even though I did some effort to cover up but yeah, it was pretty obvious.
The death of my grandfather, followed by my aunt, whom I hold so dear in heart. They were once my smile and laughter, my joy and strength.
By the time this post is written, I’m already having a cup of coffee back at my home. Yes, I’ve skipped a lot of departments to report about my clinical experiences regardless how much I got from each of them. I counted up to three departments I’ve missed (that is, if I’m not mistaken). It’s not like I’ve given up writing. It’s rather, I was busy writing something else other than blogs that I couldn’t find my time to update. And being the stubborn me, I refuse to update my blog with items I wrote for something else. Yeah, you can complain, but that’s me. It’s not like you’ll see my post uploaded twice anywhere unless with high demands.
Now, this is a major warning, I’m going to ramble the whole post and it would be really personal. Just because I need some drive to make me write again. So anyone who couldn’t stand rambling, feel free not to click the ‘read more’ button or just navigate away from the page. Don’t worry, I’ll come up with an educating article soon enough. So stop pouting!
People can never live by their own. Lately I’ve come to believe in that phrase. There was this one thing I experienced during my Forensic posting. I used to look a lot like a police when I was on duty of Forensic department. Sometimes I felt like being an idealist, and I even wonder if I was too hard on them.
“An iron-hearted woman like you would never understand how I feel,” a criminal once said that to me. She was accused for murder attempt towards her ex-boyfriend who was supposed to get married with another girl. The usual me would just bark and say “what do you know about me? You have no idea what I’ve been through in life,”.
a friend is not something you need to be tell
But considering my position as a Forensic doctor, I just simply said “you’re right, I don’t understand. Whatever it is that makes you injuring someone else, I don’t understand. And I don’t want to understand,”. And her only answer was crying all night till I left her there.
Hari ini tanggal 1 Muharram 1431…
Hari ini kalendar baru diganti…
Hari ini semangat baru menjalari…
Hari ini juga saya berdiri, memandang diriku satu tahun ke belakang. Memang, dalam satu tahun terakhir ini sepanjang melewati tahun 1430 H, saya diuji dengan salah satu ujian yang sangat berat. Sangat berat sampai saya tidak mampu berkongsi bebannya dengan teman-teman, biar siapapun itu. Bukan saya tidak percaya kepada rakan sendiri, hanya saja bibirku tidak mampu bicara. Mindaku tertutup seribu bahasa. Dan lebih buruk lagi, ujian ini menjauhkanku dari sahabatku yang paling bermakna buatku. Sahabat yang sejak kecil menemani dan setia mendengar bahkan membantu; Sang Maha Esa.
perjalanan ini masih jauh, jadi berlindunglah denganNYA