My Wings

People can never live by their own. Lately I’ve come to believe in that phrase. There was this one thing I experienced during my Forensic posting. I used to look a lot like a police when I was on duty of Forensic department. Sometimes I felt like being an idealist, and I even wonder if I was too hard on them.

“An iron-hearted woman like you would never understand how I feel,” a criminal once said that to me. She was accused for murder attempt towards her ex-boyfriend who was supposed to get married with another girl. The usual me would just bark and say “what do you know about me? You have no idea what I’ve been through in life,”.

a friend is not something you need to be tell

But considering my position as a Forensic doctor, I just simply said “you’re right, I don’t understand. Whatever it is that makes you injuring someone else, I don’t understand. And I don’t want to understand,”. And her only answer was crying all night till I left her there.

I definitely won’t forget this incident, because that was the first time someone actually called me ‘an iron-hearted woman’. I am, in reality, an unstable emotional woman. I love sorrowful melancholic environment, which explain why I love rainy days. It overcasts almost the environment and the heart. I will stand by the balcony while watching the rain drops, feeling all sorrow that I don’t even know why.

Yerp, I’m definitely not an iron-hearted woman, not even close to a strong woman. I paced my life with the strength of other people around me, those who supported me and always believe in me. My graduation is approaching, and I suddenly felt like it’s a miracle that I finally coming to the end. But you see, I’m not strong. And I didn’t reach here alone. There’s a couple of important people who helped me to reach this point; my best friends. And eventually I started to miss every one of them.

First let me talk a bit about my friends, my brother/sister, my cousins, and everything, you name it. My backbones, my closest things in heart; Ili Hazwani and Mohd Faris Azri. These two, I will never be able to repay no matter how many lives I got. They were the ones who make me comfortable when I felt like a stranger. They taught me to rely on others, to make friends, to accept people as they are. They never failed to listen to my stories, and understand how I feel. They gave me the warmth that made me improve myself. If it weren’t because of them, I might won’t be able to love myself; this good for nothing self. Yes, we have our own lives and paths now, but they were my stepping stone. I am here today because they were there.

my cousin; Ili Hazwani

Faris Azri and his wife~

Zanjabila was my one precious friend. I met her in my secondary school; the accountancy student. We started as classmates, and grew fond to each other. Up until today, I still felt she was my dearest best friend who understands my needs the most. She never judged my wrongs and ‘waited’ patiently for me to seek the truth. She is the one who will accept me again and again no matter how many times I disappoint her. Never bored to tell me which is good, which is bad, though I often ignored them. Though we rarely contact each other nowadays, she unintentionally taught me so much about life. She is my true freedom.

Zanjabila dearie~ <3

Going to Malacca Matriculation College (KMM), I met my ex-schoolmate; Che Siti Aeshah. We were never close in school. Even if I tried to remember them back, I couldn’t find which part of us connect together, but we were so close during the whole one year of matriculation. She was the one who would listen to me crying the whole day, sleep by my side when I felt alone, woke me up when I overslept, and even telling me bedtime stories when I’m bored. She has this feminine touch in her attitude and always makes me feel warm with it. She is the one I miss a lot, since I completely lost contact with her. The last news I hear about her was about 3-4 years ago when she broke up. She was always there for me when I needed her, and I wasn’t there for her when it’s her turn needing me. I’m a bad friend, huh?

Let me tell you about this one guy I really appreciate; Muhammad Hanafi. I met him by the same time I met Che Siti Aeshah, and at the same place too. Coincidently, he and she, both were in the same class. But I didn’t get close to him because of her. No, no, don’t think of him like my ‘special someone’ or anything like that. I consider him as one of my best friend. He was like a little brother to me (though he was born earlier than me). He was indeed a good listener. I could concentrate in my matriculation days thanks to him. I wasn’t stable in my matriculation days, yes, but he always made my ‘stormy’ weather clear, and in minutes I can jump back into my pile of books. We actually met again in the same faculty, but as time pass by, we’re no longer as close as before. But anyway, I still want to thank him for everything he spent for me. I never get the chance to properly thank him despite how often we see each other. Napi, thank you so much, k.

Hanafi

While growing apart from Hanafi, I met many new friends in Indonesia. So it wasn’t really a big loss. I also met this two nice Indonesians that I even consider them my family. Their names are Zulfiani Ashar and Makmur Hasanuddin. They are not the kind of people who would say sweet things to make me feel better, not really a good listener too. In fact, they rarely understand how I felt. But words seems useless between us. Whenever I felt like crying, I’d just walk into them and talk till we drop. Even if I didn’t tell them a bit about my problem, they always make me at ease. They are the ones that would make me laugh when I wanted to cry, they are the ones who’d make me organized when I’m a mess. They are, in my own words, my pillar.

my extended family; Zulfiani and Makmur

And last but not least, this one girl whom I loved so dearly. She gave me a lot of support during my clinical years; Hanis Ahmad. She’s a smart, clever and fast learner. She loves to cook and care. A true ‘motherly’ like woman. I have to admit I lost myself during my first year of clinical life. I didn’t feel like myself. She is the one to hold me right to my path. She gave me strength and courage, and she cleared my view on what I should believe. It is not too much if I say, I am who I am today because of her. She completed her clinical life this week, and is returning back to Malaysia next week. I wonder how will I do without her. She is indeed a nice sister.

Hanis Ahmad; she's my favourite soulmate ever~!

In life, people come and go. These 8 people, who are so important to me, will also apply to that content. I wouldn’t insist on being together, because I know we have our own way of life to go through. But they will remain as the people I treasured the most, and hold them dearly in my heart and memory. Someday, I’ll be proudly telling stories about them, and smile when I see them living happily. Someday in the future, the ‘eight’ number might increase, but be assure that deep inside, I sincerely thank you. And please be proud of yourself, because I fly this high by your strength.

I didn’t write this to say these 8 people are important to me while others don’t. Every each people in my life are equally important. I love all of my family and friends unconditionally. It’s just that these people I mentioned are the ones I appreciated a bit more than others. They are my wings. This is just my way to say thank you.

I’m sure everyone must have their own wings too. Parents or family maybe? Don’t you think we’re so lucky?

Love,

Dalili

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